I’m a doctor, and I like to observe the world in my office and beyond. Relationship psychology is my specialty.
Things are changing in this time of pandemic, and I’m used to it by now. We don’t go out for dinner very often, but we still want to sometimes. Today, my family still went to their favorite restaurant, where you don’t even have to look at the menu. It’s always delicious and pleasant. After ordering one of my favorite dishes, I just reveled in the atmosphere of joy.
But today was the collapse of my expectations. Outwardly, everything is as it has always been. Same entourage, same design, same tables. Beauty and comfort, but something is missing. It took me a long time to figure out exactly what had changed.
The spirit has changed. There are no waiters that I remember and had a glorious conversation with. One of them graduated from a relationship psychology institute, and for him working in a restaurant was an internship. The other was an actress who made good money but also loved conversation as a profession of communication. A third was running up and down the stairs from waiter to owner, trying to figure out what customers needed to make them feel fantastic and want to come here again and again to enjoy themselves.
All of them are gone. They left or were fired. There is a setting. There is a name, there are expensive materials from which everything is built. But there is no relationship soul.
A waitress came up, embittered by life, with no desire to work and looked at us as if we were people who had to be served. Total contempt and disgust. To any question – denial.
I would like to order an anchovy salad and fish soup. There is no more soup and there won’t be. Anchovies would cost extra money, and in fact, I don’t know if they are available today. There’s no more draft beer and there won’t be, so there’s bottled or canned beer.
There are no coloring pencils for a child. Menus through the phone only, so that no one touches what the other might have touched. The masks are put on, and you can’t see the person’s emotions.
We came to a stop and a rethinking of where we were and where we were going. There seems to be a complete paradigm shift going on. Restaurants used to call in to sell at a small profit, but cared to keep the number of customers growing. Today’s waitresses broadcast, “God willing, I’m going to finish my masked shift with these people I have to slave for.”
The entourage remained, but I suddenly realized that I would never come to this restaurant again. There is no longer a spirit of connection here between those who were pleased with me and those who were pleased with me. Then why all this farce? I didn’t go there to eat a salad that I can make at home for many times cheaper. And for communication! But the fellowship is gone, and with it the desire to spend my personal time here.
The past world is gone, rotten. We have to think about how to build a new world, a world of soulful communication. Because of the pandemic, we are isolated not for one month, but for many years, so say the scientists. So we need to think about how we are going to build a new world with new relationships.
Restaurants will thrive when they renew the spirit of reciprocity, not when they make money by investing the minimum. Masked plastic smiles should be replaced by sparkling eyes of joy. Yes, the waiter is serving, but he’s communicating – making new connections. Connections that give mutual happiness. It is mutual. This is the new world, the new paradigm, where we live in a whole world and enjoy each other.
You’ll say fantasy. Yes, it’s a fantasy today. But we can easily come to it. It only takes effort to see one’s continuation and connection in the other. This is how cells in the body live in harmony. And it’s a quick way to experience a shared body. Or – we can decompose into estrangement from one another and denial of one another.
I really want to come back to my favorite restaurant and experience the splendor of feeling that complements the lovingly prepared food.
Each of us can make a small effort toward each other! Whether we do it is up to us. That way we can build a new and better world where everyone is comfortable and happy.
Look for common ground and happiness for others! It will give you health and happiness, too.
