Why does one person become sensitive and the other insensitive? Is it possible to raise a happy child?
“One for All and All for One”
When the movie “The Three Musketeers” based on the novel by Alexandre Dumas came out, young children and older children all played Musketeers under the motto “One for All and All for One. Children always want to be positive heroes.
Growing up, we meet different people: kind, selfish, sympathetic, indifferent. Meet those who know how to communicate and those who don’t. But why is it easy for us with some people and not with others? Apparently, because some people are able to hear us and others can’t. It turns out it’s not easy to communicate.
All parents want their children to be well, so that their child can avoid suffering. So why does one person become sensitive and the other insensitive? Is it possible to raise a happy child?
The little creature’s trust should not be violated from day one. The child is usually protected, trying to understand his first gestures, facial expressions, sounds. Gradually help you to understand yourself, ask: what do you feel, how can I help? Children’s brains are malleable and develop well in an atmosphere of peace, attention, and joy. If a child is used to being heard from a young age, then naturally he also hears the pain or joy of another.
What should you pay attention to?
First and foremost, parents must have the very idea of teaching their child to communicate. In the traditions of high society, kings and kings, special attention was paid to this. A child of twelve could communicate freely on any level. Families exchanged infants to give the teenager a taste of socializing outside the home.
Little time is given to the art of communication in school these days. More and more children are being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – ADHD. Long-term stress contributes to its development. The syndrome can be associated with uncontrolled crying in the first months of life, with ignorance or inability of parents to communicate with the child. Often doctors prescribe pills to such children, which changes the neural networks of the brain, causing dependence on the medication for years and even for life.
Brain science says that long, inconsolable sobs are not good for a child because it has a negative effect on the psyche. In the future, ignoring a baby’s emotions can have a negative effect on his or her social skills, on the ability to understand the feelings of others, and on the ability to solve problems independently. Ignoring – deliberate neglect, disregard of someone or something. This is how the dictionary explains the meaning of the term. That is, ignoring is an affront to a person’s dignity, which causes him mental trauma.
Conversely, a child who is treated carefully, evenly, easily learns to live in society, he will form a wide circle of friends, in the future he will be able to successfully get an education and find a job, will be creative in all areas of life.
Functional changes in the brain
Researchers from Yale University and Harvard Medical School found that intense stress in the first months of life leads to functional changes in the brain similar to those characteristic of depressed adults. There is a disruption of neural connections, which in turn affects the further development of the brain. The first year of a child’s life is especially important because rapid growth of the brain occurs at this time: during the year it increases threefold on average.
In addition, the stress hormone cortisol is released, an excess of which leads to the destruction of neurons, and the consequences of this may not appear immediately, but at a later age.
There are enough stressful situations in the world that we want to protect our children from. The hardest factor is war, which destroys families. Several generations after the war bear the imprint of stress.
In broken families, the main problem is the lack of attention to the child. At the same time, if you give a teenager excessive custody, he may grow up to be selfish. It is known that any destruction of the family has a negative effect on a child’s psyche, because One parent cannot replace a family, where each member has a special role to play.
When we are young, we trust our friends more, who have no experience of life, although the pattern of thinking during this period is almost always wrong. But in a large family, the opinion of adults is not in doubt and keeps young people from making mistakes.
A remarkable feature has been preserved in some communities where there is a tradition of a large family, with members of several generations closely together. In the case of a young couple’s decision to divorce, the men of the entire family gather and talk to the guy until he finds the strength to understand the problem and take responsibility to keep the family together.
The authority of a large family acts as a tuning fork, awakening responsibility, conscience. The power of kin preserves respect for elders and develops the ability to care and help.
Without a cordial connection, without the certainty that the family is part of everyone’s soul, responsibility and care will not develop, and it will not be possible to raise musketeers with the motto: “One for All and All for One. Without the experience of connection with family, sooner or later there will be an imbalance with the environment, with nature, with the universe.
Each person has a different reason why they have developed emotional deafness. But the basis for all of them is the lack of an example of sensitivity and love in the family. It takes years, decades, or a lifetime to correct this gap. The correction does not happen by itself, the person himself must want to understand the reason for what happened to him. It may have once been a minor event, and awareness, understanding the negative touch of life events in the past will easily make things healthier.
An interesting case occurred in one family where the wife was uncontrollably buying things in large quantities. Today psychiatrists have given it a name – shopping mania. Like many problems, it was compensation for past suffering, when the family had no money or lacked attention as a child, which caused a mental void, which in this case the woman filled with shopping.
The husband turned out to be a good man – he went to a psychologist. It turned out that he and his wife were similar in some ways: his parents did not have enough money when he was growing up, so he was denied many things, and now his wife was often ignored, which made her cry a lot and inconsolably. The competent attitude of the specialist, conversations between the two of us helped to understand the problem. Reflecting on the past brought the couple closer together, and the lost sense of mutual understanding cured shopping mania.
A change in behavior occurs when a person realizes that they acted automatically, living with their feelings, not caring about their neighbors. The experience of caring for a loved one brings a sense of maturity and gratitude, joy and freedom.
Searching for the meaning of life
Everything that happens to a person is structured in such a way that he comes to understand the meaning of life. Therefore, events are pushing him to look for an answer to everything that happens to him. Psychology alone does not completely solve relationship problems. Often a psychologist will advise to turn away from a loved one, thus leaving the problem without a solution. Only the particularly brave want to find a solution, look for and find answers.
The Integral Methodology provides a complete answer, revealing the simplest and, at the same time, the most complex law-the law of the interconnectedness of everything in the universe, the ability to rise above one’s selfishness for the good of another person. This technique reveals an understanding of the unity of all nature, of all humanity, thereby curing the heart of coldness. An idea emerges, how to make it so that we find a solution in communication, to move to constructive steps.
A person can’t change his behavior all by himself. He needs those who also want to change themselves, to give care while helping others become better. This requires an environment of like-minded people, a kind of laboratory for creating a new type of person. People of the new civilization, thinking and caring about each other as they do about themselves.