dispute on the merits

a dispute

In times of deep chasms and fierce disputes, people naturally seek to put out the fire. However, after the fire is put out, they tend to neglect the further work that needs to be done. Therefore the war we are witnessing today is the result of past negligence. If we want not only to de-escalate the war, but also to prevent its recurrence, we need to cut out its root.

To do this, it is necessary to agree with two basic principles: 1) We must look beyond right and wrong , because we will never be able to convince each other that we are right and they are not. 2) It is necessary to build communication above disagreements. Strengthen the relationship to such an extent that it generates a new connection above the mountain of hatred that still lives and will continue to live under it.

If we take these two steps, we discover an amazing truth: Arguments themselves are the catalyst for bonding. Without argument, of course, there can be calmness, or complacency, or indifference. But there will never be a connection, closeness of hearts.

Arguments force us to do two things: 1) Decide if we want to keep our connection. 2) If so, then begin to strengthen it so that the connection between us is always stronger than the differences that arise.

If differences cease to surface, there will be no reason to strengthen the bond. Then, like an unused tool, it will rust and break.

And, conversely, if new disagreements arise, they force us to eliminate these new disputes that have arisen. As a result, the connection between us becomes even stronger than before.

Think, for example, about a house. If you want to build a house in a country where the wind never blows too hard and the rain never comes in a wall and the temperature is always moderate, you don't need to build it very strong, with good insulation and a roof that can withstand a blizzard and any other bad weather. . However, if you live in a country with an inhospitable and turbulent climate, you need to build a very durable house to ensure safety and warmth in extreme conditions. Simply put, it is the difficulties that make us build a strong and solid house. If it wasn't for them, you wouldn't be making the effort.

It's the same with technology. Everything we've ever developed has been about overcoming difficulties and obstacles. The result is modern technology. Would we rather do without obstacles and return to life in the caves? We are sure not. In retrospect, we appreciate the obstacles and difficulties and often softly refer to them as "challenges" because they made us who we are.

The same goes for disputes. They are here. Therefore, we will rise to the challenge and create stronger ties based on them. Like all obstacles, they will bury us if we choose to do nothing. However, if we use them for their intended purpose - to create relationships and strengthen relationships - then we will rise to a new level and reach unprecedented heights.


  1. It is very difficult, having risen above problems and conflicts, to strengthen your connection with the opposite side, but this is necessary, otherwise you will never get out of the animal state to the Human level.

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