“Yes, I know him like a flaky man! What else could be expected from him?
“How much can you score on yourself for the sake of the family? Can such a relationship even be called a family?
"That's it, I think I've had enough..."
- And since when did you recognize him as flaky? I ask.
Thus begins another similar story, which the narrator would gladly throw in the trash and put a concrete slab on top so that the memories of the lost years would not come out.
Everything would be fine, only the new relationship scenario again follows the same pattern: very quickly, “love for life” turns into conversations purely about business, and not about us. Attempts to talk with him about the relationship end with a dismissal - they say, everything suits him anyway. Again, a monologue is obtained and, as a result, his final “leave me alone!”
Before revealing the recipe for this repetitive outrage, I immediately warn you: this is not a hit on women from an evil goblin - I am sometimes accused of this. It's just that men are mostly busy with their toys and are not ready to change. And women have a real desire for development and change. Therefore, to change the situation, I consider it more effective to contact you, dear ladies.
I will uncover the trap you fall into.
Why is he shrugging it off? He was fed up with claims and assaults. Therefore, it works out the same behavior model, even if you try to drive from different sides. And after 5-10 visits, it becomes clear to you that there is nothing else to expect from him. From now on, it begins to seem to you that you know him as flaky. Here you are trapped.
If a partner disagrees with you, it seems to you that he is mistaken, poorly informed, or he has a moronic outlook on life, and in general, how can you be so mistaken?
And he looks at you and sincerely does not understand what to do and how to help you. He thinks like that for no more than a minute, until he realizes that he has already been attacked. He "merges" or attacks you in response - at this moment it will no longer be possible to count on a constructive dialogue. During butting, we are busy butting - and lose sight of the partner.
What and how can be done differently instead of this bullfight you have tried more than once?
- Agree that your partner is not your arm, leg or head! He is a DIFFERENT person and has the right to his point of view.
When you do not agree that he is not your continuation, this is subconsciously read as a denial of his existence. Those. the creator has given him the right to think like that - but you do not. Therefore, he withdraws into himself and in defense of his uniqueness.
And the truth is that after several unsuccessful visits, you do not agree with him at all, but with his negative image in your head.
Therefore, “as flaky” you know his negative image, and not himself.
Here, I dug up a brilliant rhyme about this:
Not all Marina loves Igor,
but only one fragment.
However, he took married foolishly
all over the marina.
- If you want to start understanding each other, stop KNOWING YOUR PARTNER.
You feel like you know him. Replace this fictional and limited fragment with a real person. Try to respect his point of view. Some women who "knew him as flaky" tried and made their lives much easier. And, by the way, they stopped butting during disagreements. They say that at such moments they learn a lot.
Try it too. Instead of fighting for your rightness, you can ask:
"What do you see that I don't see?"
"What do you know of what I'm about to learn?"
“And if you see it differently, then how?”
Well, enjoy the results, and at the same time share them with us.
If people met every day with joy and rediscovered each other, then it would be more interesting for them to live and discoveries would happen more often, interest would not disappear ...
An interesting approach. It is, of course, difficult. To do this, you need to learn to think not only about yourself, your beloved. Learn the basics of psychology. But it's worth it!