Groundhog Week

In this article, I am addressing those who are quarantined with household members and who are approaching the boiling point. Change and rectify the situation is real, if you focus on the right point. She will be discussed.

So, another groundhog week is coming to an end, and how many more such weeks are ahead? ..

We call each other with the question: “Well, how are you doing there?”

Sitting locked up in four walls with the household, we have a diverse palette of sensations: someone does not know what to do with himself, someone continues to work and climbs the wall from how to have time to do everything.

Yesterday I spoke with a client - a typical situation for many women - they transferred me to work at home online. The office desk has been replaced by a dining table in the salon: children running around and bullying, freaked out from sitting at home. She tries to focus on the conversation with the client, begging and threatening in desperation, signaling to the children to be quiet. The house is upside down, everything has to be picked up and washed by myself. There is no one to ask for help - the husband was interrupted by dismissal from work. It’s already easier for her when he’s stupid on TV than climbing everywhere, annoying and arguing. Everything was already tense with him, but now it’s impossible to agree on anything at all. Skirmishes, resentment for everything. As she put it, “poisons existence”, even run away from it.

I understand this woman and the situation we are all in right now. But how to stop poisoning yourself? How to agree with yourself? She smothers herself with guilt, hyper-responsibility, fear. What will happen to children with their studies? On what means to live?

I observe one big stress: she cannot really work. Instead of attention to children - irritation and reproaches. How to come to terms with this new reality? How to cope and not go crazy?

The most annoying thing is that the problem that tightens this noose is not there at all. It has nothing to do with the virus, or with its consequences, or with the fact that we are closed within four walls.

The problem is the inability to communicate. In a misunderstanding of the principles of building a connection, because of which the family never becomes a team. We were not taught this anywhere, therefore, when it starts to storm, such a “non-team” scatters. Abandoned ship goes to the bottom. The Chinese, after a month and a half of quarantine spent together, crowded to get divorced.

What will happen to us in a few weeks? Our attention is not there at all. We, like small children who have played too much, look at the fragments of the vase we overturned and, in confusion - “it broke itself” - honestly we do not see and do not understand the connection. We only see that the game is suddenly interrupted at the most interesting place, and we naively hope that it will also stick together “by itself” and the game will continue. Everything will sort itself out and sort itself out.

I'm a relationship builder, and in my experience, the only problem that really stomps people is the inability to negotiate.

A few words for those who are not familiar with us: my wife and I have 10 years of experience in the field of family problems. We provide consultations, personal accompaniments, courses. Over the years, we have checked and made sure that the principles of communication are the same for everyone, whether we know them or not. If we know, then we get along. If we don’t know, then we constantly get into accidents.

Living together, not knowing the principles of communication, is like sitting on a nail, suffering and waiting for him to go deeper in order to jump up when he is already completely unbearable. The lack of teamwork, when every man is for himself, kills the prospect. Hence the uncertainty, the feeling that control over one's own life is lost and the fear of drowning.

Can you imagine what this constant tension will result in? What picture will we get in 2-3 weeks? That's it, there's nowhere to run from the submarine! Running around and making your own life is a costly leap to nowhere, as all systems are paralyzed.

And most importantly, the attention of such a family is not focused on solving the problem, but on escaping from it.

The situation and the solution itself is simple. Paradise garden nearby. We either do not know how, or do not want to normally negotiate and communicate.

The solution will come when the family focuses not on how best to isolate themselves from each other, but how to establish a human partnership. How to learn the principles of team interaction and listen, hear, understand, negotiate.

Friends, let's look at each other and learn to speak. Those who have problems, pay attention to how you talk, what you are tuned to in a conversation.

If you need support to at least understand the situation, we will help you find out, identify and outline solutions. Stay strong and God bless you!